Lent has really sucked. This is my first year to really dive into the whole Lent experience. And it's probably been one of the least enjoyable experiences of my life.
I gave up TV for 40 days. I failed and watched TV on several occasions. Learning each time that I'm a failure.
I've done some soul excavation. Each time uncovering dark and destructive places that I didn't even know were there. I thought I was doing pretty good. I was doing all the right stuff. I was so deceived.
I have contemplated what it means to be a human. It is so limited. I will die. My body is decaying. My body is flawed. My soul is flawed. I will never be perfect. There's no amont of health food, no amount of exercise that can save me from death. It is a very sobering thought.
It cant be right to contemplate death. To embrace my human failure. To meditate on my human limitations. Is it? Aren't we supposed to just focus on the good things of life?
Lent has really sucked. And I think that's the point.
To be continued...
4 comments:
oops... erased my comment. here it is again:
Oh my gosh Kari....I can so relate. I have had some super sobering thoughts as of late about how fragile this life is. The end of this existence is inevitable. And it makes me wonder why I put so much emphasis on things that don't matter..and not enough emphasis on what does. In short, I think its good to sober up your mind and soul a bit and remember how very human we are. To remember we aren't going to live forever...no matter how hard we try to prolong it with organic foods and exercise and herbal suppliments {and I'm big fan of all the above...well, except exercise maybe. hehe ;)} Sometimes the bombardment of media attention and advertisement on staying young and looking young just makes me laugh....I mean who are we fooling?Ourselves! You're not alone...I've been thinking these very things too. And, PS: I gave up NOTHING for lent {hows that for failure}. Maybe your lent experience was less about the success in giving something up....and more about what was uncovered when you did. Maybe it was more about realizing limitations and less about limiting yourself. As usual, loved reading your honesty. Its very refreshing!
Kari, it's very human of us all to explore the end of life, death boundaries, meaning & existence! I applaud your vulnerability. I believe the key is this: we cannot give over to despair. We walk this Holy Week with Christ as a reminder that he died. And in His death He was human and devine. We are only human. We must look to His divinity to save us from ourselves. It is a somber season. But, hang in there sister! Resurrection is on the way! Your joy could not be complete if you didn't understand the suffering. Phil 3or4?? "that I might know Christ in His suffering"..."to somehow attain to the resurrection. Welcome to the journey. ;)
Thanks, ladies for the conversation! I love it when my blog becomes a dialogue rather than a monologue. :)
Nathalie- You touched on something so important. I heard John Tyson talk about this one time. How Americans spend so much money and energy on trying to cheat death. It's actually quite funny. Certainly, nothing wrong with staying healthy though. It's hard to live fully when I'm feel like crap! :)
Coach Kyna- Thanks for the encouragement! :)
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