I Feel Your Pain

I've been an emotional basket case this week. Ups and downs all day every day. Struggling to make sense of it all. At times, just downright depressed. The crazy thing about this is that it's not even about anything going on in my life. You know the phrase, "I feel your pain?"

This is what I do. I don't know why. Somehow I got wired with an extra dose of empathy. I can actually, literally FEEL other people's pain. I've talked with others who have this same issue. Maybe its a "gift" that we've been given, I don't know. But, honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have this ability. It's feels as if the situation is actually happening to me. And it can take me down.

So I ponder... Why. Where does this come from and what am I supposed to do with it? I don't know all the answers to those questions yet. But I'm seeking. Because I really want to believe this is a blessing rather than a curse. In the past I've run from it. Often the pain is so great that I have distanced myself from friends who were suffering.

Recently, a friend walked through a scary health crisis. I began to sink into a brief period of depression shortly thereafter. Realizing that these two events might be connected, I decided to find ways to help her but from somewhat of a distance. I sent out daily updates to our mutual friends and set up diners for her once she returned home from the hospital. I felt really guilty that I couldn't be more involved. Then I got an email reply from my friend from the hospital. She said she greatly appreciated what I was doing for her and she felt so loved. That email meant the world to me.

Just being aware of my own spirit during others' times of crisis has been helpful. I'm also learning to visit the emotions I feel for others but not to live there. And most important, I'm learning what it really looks like to put someone's life in God's hands. Saying it is one thing, but doing it is much more difficult. I know that I will have to walk through hard times again with people I love and care deeply for. My desire is to learn more about what I can do to maintain peace, hope and strength in my own soul when this happens.