On raising a daughter

Sometimes I have this sudden, intense onset of anxiety. It comes out of nowhere. "O, God. What if I'm doing this parenting thing all wrong?" "What if I'm missing something?" "What if I'm raising a sociopath!?!"

There are no amounts of parenting books that will prepare you for this journey. I read all the ones that were popular 8 years ago. Some of them sent me down the wrong path. I had to adjust my compass and move in a different direction. But the greatest parenting lesson I have learned was not found in a book. Someone spoke this truth to me:

I will fail and she will not will NOT be perfect.

That awakening was so freeing. Up until that point I had been living in fear. Fear that I would somehow screw her up or fear that others would judge me based on my daughter's behavior.


Abby turned 8 yesterday. And she is AMAZING!! Perfect, no. AMAZING, absolutely!! I'm so glad I have not tried to mold her into any dream or plan I had for her. She is growing into the young lady God planned for her to be. And she is so different and so much more amazing than anything I would have thought of.

Abby has an intensity and joy that began to shine from the very beginning in her first full face smiles. She still has those smiles. She also has that emotional intensity that we continue to help her channel and control. This intensity is part of who she is. It can be frustrating at times. But we know it's going to do amazing things for the good of the world one day.

As for me, I still fear the judgement from time to time. It's hard for me to accept that others will in fact judge me because my daughter may not live up to their standards of perfection. But, I'm slowly moving toward acceptance.

Yes, one day Abby will probably need to "work through her issues" with a therapist because I'm an imperfect mom. That's ok. I've already started funding a therapy account for her. I'm kidding, but I've actually thought about it. :)